Catholic Education: My Past, Her Present, and Their Future

Why My Daughter Goes to a Catholic School

Other than attending Mass every Sunday, there is little that I remember about the Catholic part of growing up in California in the 1970s and early 1980s.  I remember the big moments, such as First Holy Communion, my Confirmation retreat and the day I received that Sacrament, and having the privilege to be one of three girls chosen to crown Mary in May of my eighth grade year.

I attended Catholic schools for all eight years of my primary education and all four years of my secondary education.  I remember next to nothing of my formal religious instruction, but I do remember this:

Our lunch break at my parish Catholic grammar school was from 11:30am to 12:30pm.  All 240 students successfully coexisted on the large, tarry, black-top playground.  There were many activities available to us:  hopscotch, four square, the currently much-maligned dodge ball, jump ropes, kick-ball, etc.  But at noon, every ball was picked up, every hopscotch marker was left on the ground, and every jump rope ceased its twirling. Silence took over, we all turned toward the school’s white stone Mary statue, and led by the principal’s voice over the loudspeaker, we prayed the Angelus together.  The image is powerful for me now, and the experience was powerful for me then, despite the fact that my play-time was interrupted.

I believe that this one daily experience with prayer later saved my life.  As a young adult, I fell away from the Church.  I didn’t renounce it, but I no longer cared much about it.  It didn’t seem to hold any relevance in my modern life at a liberal public university.  Later, as a 28 year old woman, I faced a major life crisis, the kind of which I pray daily my children will never face.  But in the midst of great suffering, I fell to my knees.  I begged God to intervene and alleviate my pain, because at that moment He was the only one who could.  I didn’t remember or pray the Angelus, but I instinctively knew that the best thing I could do in that moment was to be silent and turn my attention to Him.

That is the instinct that I want my children to develop, and that is why I will continue my daughter’s exposure to as authentically Catholic an environment as possible, both at home and in school.  I have never read Aristotle, Plato, or even St. Thomas Aquinas, but in the darkest moment of my life, I remembered to pray.  If my children one day do the same, that’s enough for me. 

If they turn toward Him, He will carry them through.

Why I Love My Daughter's Catholic School

To go one step further, I love my daughter’s exact Catholic elementary school, and so does she.  Like the mission statement of virtually every Catholic school since John Paul II’s Familiaris Consortio was published, her Catholic school recognizes parents as the primary educators of their children.  This community means it.  This school organizes itself around and actively mirrors family life.

Continued at:  http://psalm28v7.blogspot.com/2012/05/why-i-love-my-daughters-catholic-school.html

Looking to the Future:  High School Options

The Choice We Face
Let me be clear from the start.  I am an advocate of Catholic education.  And yet, as of now, my children might not attend a Catholic high school.  Here’s why.

Reason #1:  There is another option in our community that we hope will assist us more fully in meeting our family’s goals.  A local public charter school has reclaimed the intellectual roots of the Catholic education of ages past. The school incorporates logic and philosophy into its course of studies.  Students at the related high school read the early Church Fathers and ancient Greek thinkers because their writings are of primary relevance for all times and cultures. Catholics in particular should find them an important part of a well-rounded education because they provide a foundation for Catholic theology.  I was not blessed with this type of education, and I want my children to have it. 

Reason #2:  This charter school aims to weed out modern pop culture from the daily school environment.  I do not want my daughters constantly assailed by the latest fashion trends, consumer must-haves, and false heroes consisting of pop music singers, reality TV and movie stars, and professional athletes of questionable moral character. While the concrete attainment of this goal is difficult to measure and results will vary depending on each child’s particular social contacts, at a minimum I want a school that attempts to keep the baser elements of our culture at bay. 

The problem that I will face is that it will break my heart to take our daughters out of the Catholic surroundings they have known and loved during the early years of their education.  If we decide to enroll our children in this high school, I will struggle with the lack of all of the elements that make Catholic education Catholic.  There is no prayer and no Catholic art to remind students of the heroes of our Faith.  There is no religious instruction and no Mass.  There is nothing Catholic about it other than that the level of intellectual development its students eventually attain will readily lend to their understanding of Catholic doctrine should they later engage in more rigorous study of Catholic theology as adults.  Without question, the school teaches about truth, goodness, and beauty, but they can’t mention Truth, Goodness, and Beauty.  They cannot legally make the connection to the Giver of all Truth.

One mitigating factor that might ease my discomfort is that many members of the school’s administration and faculty are Catholic, and the school was founded by Catholics who saw the need in our community for this type of education and filled it, somewhat courageously.  They built a successful academic alternative from the ground up.  I believe that a lot of love and sacrifice went into its founding.  Many Catholic families whom I admire greatly send their children to this school.  These families are prayerful and exemplify virtue. I have to believe that they carefully considered the spiritual consequences of moving their children away from a Catholic environment for 35 hours each week.

The ideal high school for my children would be one in which an academically excellent classical curriculum is integrated into an authentically Catholic culture with a parent population that is guided by its own Catholic nature to seek first and foremost the formation of young Catholic men and women who are strong in conscience and striving toward holiness.  The school would seek to remove the barriers to sanctity thrown at our young people by the secular culture at large, and the curriculum in its entirety would reflect Christian virtue.  A tall order by any stretch, I am praying for such a high school option by the time it becomes relevant for our family.  I also pray that the exceedingly talented faculty and administration members who successfully built this truly wonderful charter school alternative for our community will share their enthusiasm and energy with others who may decide to work toward improving the curriculum and environment of our Catholic schools. 

Money and Mission
I know that one factor for both large middle class and lower income Catholic families is the cost of the diocesan high schools.  But there is a diocese in the United States in which Catholic schools are tuition-free.  Yes, tuition free—and high quality.  After establishing an aggressive and enormously successful diocesan-wide stewardship campaign in 1985, the Diocese of Wichita was able to offer tuition-free Catholic education to children of active parishioners in all of its elementary and high schools by 2002.  Note the key words: active parishioners.  In doing so, the diocese has not only ensured Catholic education across economic lines but has also created schools with an authentic Catholic identity that fosters more completely the primary goal of Catholic education:  to form Catholic children into faithful Catholic adults who will know, love, and serve God.

The following quote is from an in-depth look at Catholic education in the Diocese of Wichita, Chapter 1 of “Who Will Save America’s Urban Catholic Schools?”

 “The big ‘C’ Catholic comes before the little ‘s’ school,” [Diocese of Wichita Superintendent of Schools Bob Voboril] says. “We are schools that if you come here, you are going to be formed as disciples of Jesus Christ. It is going to be taught every day.  You are going to be surrounded by it in the environment.  Your teachers are going to be trained that way and you’re going to live it out in service. We are going to worship daily. We are going to pray daily.  And in the end you are going to be expected to turn into a young person who knows that the gifts they have are going to be put into the service of the entire community, not just to enrich themselves,” Voboril says. In many struggling dioceses, the opposite is more the norm. The schools’ Catholic identity has been slowly eroded, replaced with focuses on athletics, academics or whatever other educational avenue the tuition-paying families desire. “These schools become subject to market forces,” he says. “If you’re going to charge someone $8,000 or $12,000 in tuition, then you are going to have to listen very carefully to the people who pay that kind of money.” What frees Wichita of those pressures is the parish and stewardship model. With the parish providing the funding and no wealthy donors (or government program) calling the shots, the schools can retain a strong Catholic focus.

“We are not academically elite prep schools,” Voboril explains. “We are not schools that cater to athletes. But we are able to do what we can because parishioners are committed to the notion that Catholic schools should be available for every active Catholic, not just those who can pay for it and not just for those who are academically talented. That changes the nature of the school in a good way. It exists for the mission for which it was created instead of morphing into something because that’s all it can afford.”  (boldface mine)

And the mission for which the Catholic Schools in the Diocese of Wichita were created: 

“Together with the family, the parish, and each other, we will FORM EACH STUDENT INTO A DISCIPLE OF JESUS CHRIST who seeks the Truth, grows to love It, and learns to live It.”  (capitalization theirs)

That’s it.  Wow.  It’s a simply stated mission, really, but my husband and I cannot think of a more appropriate one to help us achieve our goals for our children.

One goal in publishing my thoughts is to open a dialogue on Catholic education in our diocese.  Our family left a diocesan grammar school because, I have to admit, I am a fanatic about keeping pop culture and consumerism out of our daughters’ lives. If I want them to grow in virtue, the examples that surround them are of the utmost importance. The consumerism, lack of modesty, and all-too-frequent instances of unkindness that we experienced even among very young girls began to separate me from my daughter in ways that I found unacceptable.

Many in our community have perceived a three-way divide in our diocese on the issue of education and are greatly troubled by it.  I would invite all to share their experiences with Catholic (and non-Catholic) education at schools located in our diocese.  Consider commenting about how your family has discerned school choices, especially if you’ve moved from one environment to another.  Would you like a classical Catholic education to be available in our diocese at a cost that doesn't make many families feel like they must choose among paying for high school, paying for college, or accepting an entirely secular education?  Does my ideal high school sound like your ideal high school?  The collective wisdom of our community can add more to the dialogue than I could ever write.  Please consider sharing your ideas.

Catholic education is more critical than ever right now as we and our children face the increasingly dangerous anti-Catholic disposition of the government and media in our country.  I believe that 54% of Catholics voted for President Obama in 2008 in part because our own schools for the past 40 years have failed to properly form the consciences of young Catholics.  Catholic education must, first and foremost, be Catholic, conceived and carried out by Catholics, for Catholic children.

Why I Love My Daughter's Catholic School

I love my daughter’s Catholic elementary school, and so does she.  Like the mission statement of virtually every Catholic school since John Paul II’s Familiaris Consortio was published, her Catholic school recognizes parents as the primary educators of their children.  This community means it.  This school organizes itself around and actively mirrors family life.

The children with siblings at my daughter’s school have more time together during school hours.  They have recess at the same time and eat in the same lunch room.  They pray together as a group three times per day.  This familial way of arranging time during the school day also allows children to see the interactions of other sibling combinations, both good and bad, so siblings can recognize the blessing of each other and model their relationships toward virtue.

When I did the math, I was surprised to learn that my daughter and I are separated for 29% less time than at other schools.  That’s 29% more time with me, learning the values that I want to teach instead of those that society-at-large wants her to learn.  The school achieves this reduction by cutting out the conspicuous inessentials that have crept into the modern U.S. educational system. 

Here are just a few of the many blessings my family has received during our time at this school:

1)  The Playground

During my daughter’s Kindergarten year, I was able to embrace the opportunity to observe lunch recess at least once per week.  I have witnessed all of the following beautiful things:

• I have seen crowds form around newborns as though they were rock stars. 

•  I have seen teenage and pre-teen boys mentoring younger boys. 

• When I inquired into the nature of some very loud roaring between two groups, I was informed that they were playing the “lions against the Christians game.”  Another mom nearby cheerfully chimed in, “I hope the Christians win.”

• Whenever children incur minor playground injuries, their siblings are immediately at their sides.  Don’t bother to tell them that you’ve got it handled because they’re not going anywhere until they’re satisfied that their brother or sister is fully recovered.

• Most of the kids interact with adults successfully on a consistent basis, as opposed to larger schools where visiting adults are routinely ignored. 

• Disputes, disagreements, and general unkindness do occur.  However, the subject matter of the disputes is far more innocent than I have experienced elsewhere.  Additionally, because the staff and supervising parents are immediately accessible and develop relationships with the kids and each other, situations requiring intervention are handled immediately.  The children seem to interact with each other more like siblings and cousins, with all of the predominantly positive aspects unique to those familial relationships.

2) Heroes

These kids know their Saints.  Heroes elsewhere generally consist of actors, pop music singers, and professional athletes.  For each of these children, a time of testing will eventually come.  It matters whose example they turn toward when the chips are down.

3)  Authentic Catholicism

This school is permeated with Catholicism.  All of our beautiful traditions are taught, such as the power of Novenas and scapulars. Catholic teaching is not watered down—missing Mass as a mortal sin is discussed because it is true, and the parents do not object.  Catholicism is not limited to formal religion class.  Textbooks include references to God and our Church and are classical in nature, enabling this school to reclaim the intellectual roots of the Catholic education of years past.

4)  Keeping Life Simple

Using this school as a model for other (diocesan) Catholic schools presents some challenges.  Some of the accomplishments of the school come because its class sizes are limited to 15 students per grade, which is not readily replicable at other schools.  Many families cannot arrange life around Friday at-home study days.  Some families will want foreign languages taught before fourth grade.  Others will decry the lack of sports teams and formal art and music classes.  I find none of these issues worthy of sending my daughter anywhere else, and I considered all of them before placing her at the school.

As for sports, she plays soccer, softball, and basketball in community programs, and because we are not counting on college sports scholarships, she participates for fun and exercise while enjoying camaraderie as a team member.  She is also improving her social skills by playing with kids she doesn’t already know.  No loss there. 

As for art, one of my first experiences with another school mom was an invitation to join her children in a parent-led art class.  The mom had taken a relevant course at the Phoenix Museum of Art and willingly shared the time she was spending instructing her own children with my children.  Her lessons did not consist of craft projects, but rather of learning the basic elements of art, identifying styles of art, and memorizing some of the paintings of the masters.  No loss there. 

As for music, the kids learn traditional Church hymns and practice singing in rounds.  They sing and recite in a Christmas program.  If I believe that my daughter needs more musical instruction, we will pursue it elsewhere using our Friday at-home study time.

The bottom line is that this school helps me achieve my goals for my daughter.  This school works with me, the primary educator of my child.

Check It Off

Today is our 20^th wedding anniversary, and suddenly I’ve become a writer with no words.  I dug for prior content and found most of what I've written about my husband to be too personal to post. 

Here’s what’s shareable:

2011:  Words I used to describe him to a friend:

• Strong

• Committed

• Logical

• Very funny

• Smart

•  Calming

•  Protective  

• Generous

2009, notes for an essay:  Little Things He Does To Make Me Feel Bigly Loved

• He leaves his car radio on K-LOVE when he knows I’m going to use it next.

•   Recognizing that I can no longer stomach movies with graphic scenes, he carefully researches and selects movies that are uplifting, include a positive spiritual message, and are void of all the garbage that seems to infatuate the Hollywood crowd.

•   He loves one line from Fireproof as much as I do: “Never leave your partner behind.”

•  For a few nights in a row last fall, he played “Dancing in the Moonlight” from the beautiful movie “A Walk to Remember” on his iPod for us to listen to together as we drifted off to sleep.  Never said a word.  Just did it.

• He gives me his jacket or coat when I’m cold while we’re out…every time.  Only recently has he started to suggest, in a gentle way, that perhaps I should plan a little better next time.

May 16, 2012:  A Picture Is Worth 1000 Words

Steve, your faith since your conversion has become an anchor for our family as you lead us in a whole new way.  I know it’s a bit self-indulgent, but last week I found some video-making software that is really easy to use.  In practically no time (i.e. this is why the laundry isn’t done--picture inserted smiley face here), I was able to create a summation of the beauty with which God has blessed us.  Hope you like it.

“Put me like a seal over your heart,
Like a seal on your arm.
For love is as strong as death"
--Song of Solomon 8:6

Twenty years:   

Presenting…My Overprotective Parenting Mistakes

Of all the parenting mistakes I’ve made, I’ve learned the most from the two I’m about to share.  I’m sure there are plenty more to come as every day of my oldest daughter’s life presents a new round of unexpected challenges.  I do take comfort in knowing that daughter number two is often spared.  I guess it’s the curse of the first born to be, well, born first.

Mistake number one came to my attention just last week, although I suspect I’ve been making it for far longer.  We don’t play Taylor Swift music in our home.  When forced to reveal this prohibition to other moms, after I apologize with limited sincerity, I explain that my first encounter with Taylor Swift was viewing her on an award show singing “You Should’ve Said No.”  She started out in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, but halfway through the number two gentlemen ripped them off to reveal a scanty black dress that was soon to be drenched by indoor rain. This was my introduction.

(The costume change occurs just after 1:17, and from that point forward the performance's shortcomings in the realm of family-friendly entertainment become increasingly evident.)

Sorry. 

The lyrics to that particular song are also troublesome for  me.  As I like to use every teachable moment, my daughters are accustomed to analyzing song lyrics.  Songs such as Miss Swift’s quickly become problematic:  “Mama, she sounds angry. Why didn’t he just go home?” and/or “Begging for forgiveness?  Is she talking about Jesus?”  And even if my daughters don’t ask such questions, is an angry 18 year-old’s boyfriend’s infidelity what I want occupying their then nine- and six-year-old brain space?

Here’s the mistake part.  My older daughter came home from school last week and, in a manner both cheerful and innocent, said:  “Mama, I told Friend T today that Taylor Swift is a ‘Sinner Singer’!”  Oops.  Parenting foul on me.   As I felt myself shrinking at the thought of how this might go over with Friend T’s parents while at the same time briefly admiring the creativity of my daughter’s alliteration, I recognized my parenting error.  I had forbidden something without even attempting to explain why. 

My daughter is used to being the odd girl out sometimes.  While that reality bothered her once she started kindergarten through about second grade, as she has developed confidence, leadership skills, and more trust in me over the past eighteen months, she no longer questions my guidance on most things—but that made me lazy.  I didn’t explain my Taylor Swift aversion because she didn’t ask, but she logically proceeded to substitute an assumed explanation.  Neither Miss Swift’s clothing selection nor her choice of lyrics makes her a sinner, and that’s not for me to judge anyway, but because my daughter is being raised to take her Catholicism seriously, it was natural for her to assume that my reluctance to play in our home what her peers and their parents consider to be very enjoyable music resulted from grave error on Miss Swift’s part.

I immediately explained that I don’t think ‘Sinner Singer’ is a proper label for Taylor Swift.  I then explained that I had once seen a Taylor Swift TV performance during which she was not dressed modestly and that many of her song lyrics are really for older girls.  Then I showed her the video and asked what she thought.  One positive attribute of innocence is that it often results in the instant recognition of that which is not truly beautiful, such as anger and immodest self-glorification.  I was relieved when she came to that conclusion on her own. I told her that neither of us knows Taylor Swift’s heart, and it’s not our job to decide who is sinning.   I then explained to my daughter that Taylor Swift recently said she’d like to be a good role model for girls, and that we should watch, very selectively, as she strives to live out that goal.  I asked my daughter (no, begged her) to revisit the topic with her friend and explain my real objections to Taylor Swift’s music.

Lesson from that mistake:  Anything I choose to restrict must be explained.

An aside:  I recognize that Taylor Swift may have other songs that focus on more appropriate themes – I don’t know because my first exposure led me to vote with my time. I can’t afford to squander an hour searching for the appropriate among the inappropriate.

Mistake number two came to light a few months ago and relates to public displays of affection.  We drive by a local high school on the way home from my older daughter’s school.  In doing so, we frequently observe teenagers fervently making out (for lack of a better phrase.)  I actually don’t remember, but can certainly imagine, the kinds of remarks that I’ve made as we’ve passed the area repeatedly over time.  I hadn’t any idea of the extent to which that daily scenery was impacting her thinking until one day when we were sitting in front of the computer watching a music video.  It was “Dancing in the Moonlight” from one of my favorite movies, “A Walk to Remember.”  The video shows many tender, dreamy embraces between the movie’s main characters, including a scene from their wedding.  

Early in the video, Daughter #1 gasped loudly and quickly turned away from the computer screen.  I asked what was wrong, and she said, breathlessly, “I’m not supposed to see that!”  Oops.  This parenting mistake resulted from my lack of understanding that she will overgeneralize my reaction to a particular situation and apply it to pretty much all similar situations.

I backed the video up and showed her the wedding picture, explaining that kisses and hugs are a beautiful part of marriage, something that I want her to cherish if she one day chooses to marry.  Then I went straight to my husband and told him we have to step it up on the PDAs in our home.

Like I said, that was about three months ago.  My oldest daughter likes to go through magazines and cut out pictures that interest her.  She often gives them captions.  Last week I found this lying on the floor of her room:

Mission accomplished.

Addendum on Music Alternatives

Lest you think that my daughters are deprived of the joy of listening to talented female vocal artists, let me introduce our Taylor Swift alternatives.  I’ve heard all the Taylor Swift defenses, such as “Well, I don’t allow Miley Cyrus…”; “Taylor says she wants to be a positive role model…”; and my personal favorite, “She’s the best of what’s out there…”.  Let me take a moment to dispel that last excuse.

My daughters and I love Britt Nicole’s music, which is just as fun as Tayor Swift’s but with wholesome topics and messages that never fail to inspire.  I’ve played some of Britt’s prior hits such as “Set the World on Fire” and “The Lost Get Found” on school mornings to prepare my daughters for whatever the day might throw their way.  We dance too...sometimes in our pajamas while breakfast cooks. 

Take a listen to this song, “All This Time”, and compare it to Taylor Swift’s “Should’ve Said No.”

 

In the lyrics, Britt reflects on a painful, yet unspecified, life experience—it’s never really necessary to air the dirty laundry, is it?  For the sake of comparison, let’s assume that Miss Nicole’s pain was caused by a cheating boyfriend. 

While “Should’ve Said No” takes the direction of an angry rant, “All This Time” reveals a path to healing.  While venting one’s vengeful wrath can be momentarily cathartic, I’d prefer that my daughters approach life’s setbacks with the kind of resilience that leads to acceptance and peace, maybe even forgiveness. 

Other talented female vocal artists and their recent inspiring hits include: 

 
 Daughter #1’s favorite; she’s getting stronger every day.

Daughter #2’s favorite; Daughter #2 was definitely not made for standing on the sidelines, and she knows it.

Love the message in this song.  Also, it's danceable.

Toby Mac, who does the intro sequence to “Hold Me”, also has joy-filled and fun music.  Our family went to one of his concerts last year and it was an absolute delight. 

Daughter #1 and Friend D with their hands up!

Because I’m parenting Catholic girls,  I’ve learned to look beyond pop culture and to avoid succumbing to the rationalizations that bind us to the frequently inappropriate role models with whom the secular entertainment industry chooses to present us.

Confession: In my younger days, I used to play music like Alanis Morrisette’s “You Oughtta Know.”  My life is better now.